Tragically Fine

I put the "i" in "i win"

Posted by Kyle Jacobson , Wednesday, September 22, 2010 7:43 PM

The click of a button brought me such joy in my already resplendent life. I turned one corner on the web browser and wound up ordering what would become my quarter-life crisis. I could imagine it sitting there glimmering, like brown packaging seems to do when you have just ordered something that will change your life for ever. I ordered what the youngsters of today are calling "iPod Touches." I often question what it is touching, then I question whether it is touching me. "How would an iPod touch someone?" I asked myself. Later I would realize that answer. The moment that I would turn it on and move it for the first time, it would in turn, move me. I was touched, but in a place that I would not have guessed, my heart.
             Earlier today, I sat in my "cute-icle", more darling than any cubicle, at work. I illegally checked up on the status of my iPod package. It had been delivered. I curled up and cried with joy. Think of all the amazing things I could do with an iPod. I can see through walls, bring dead celebrities back to life.  And I'm pretty sure it plays music, I could be wrong.

              I arrived home to Sams sitting upon the couch looking like a deer almost caught in the headlights. I wondered what would happen if I did hit Sams with a car... what would he do?
              "Hey, have you seen any package lying around?" I asked.
              "Just you."
              "I don't get it."
              "You don't have to." Sams snickered loudly, then dying down into a mild chuckle.
              "..."
              "..."
              By the way, my entire relationship with Sams is almost entirely filled with "..."s which pushes life onto the side of awkward. Also, my package must just be on my bed.
              I ran into my room, had one of those "we haven't seen each other for so long, we HAVE to hang out" kind of run ins, and then I opened the door.
             There lie the fruits of my labors, the golden goose of all my dreams. It shimmered in the lightened glory of an honest wish. I could barely breathe; my heart beat to the beat of a thousand shirtless african drummers. The world seemed to turn its eyes on this one moment and breathe on my neck, causing shivers to travel my spine. Now how to open the packaging...

                                  Exclusively,
                                                        Kyle