Emo is just an anagram of Moe.

Posted by Kyle Jacobson , Wednesday, August 11, 2010 7:52 PM

Today was one of those-"did I leave the tri-hub coaxium server on?"-days, if you catch my electron fluctuations. Who knew that the switching of shifts would conjointly change the universe as well? Well, obviously not me, or you, or that guy, /point awkwardly at Darth Vader bed lamp.  I woke up and the sun was shining brightly, the moon cast away its final die and was now bothering people in Shanghai. Ah, just a norma- wait...What?! The sun?! I could not believe that I was actually witnessing a bona fide morning! And what's this? Real people! I am waking up to the sounds of real people with just as real respiratory systems! Except for Will "Iron Lung" Jeffrys. Sorry Will. But everyone else! With so much free morning time, I had no idea what to do! Think of all the glorious possibilities! And by a quick calculation, there were 45,098,299 possible actions that could productively fill those three beautiful hours. I, being an anti-anti-conformist, chose to do the one possibility that was not on that well-crafted list. Absolutely nothing. And what a beautiful nothing I did.
 There did come a point when I was right in the middle of nothing very very important, I was in danger of actually doing something and I once heard that if you are doing nothing and are about to fall into the slippery slope of doing something, then to do something very quickly to throw off the universe into thinking that you are still doing nothing, but were actually doing something. It was worth a shot. So, I decided to go buy a lunch from Smiths for my first 11-7pm shift at the Apple Rebates Center. As I walked across the parking lot, still shuffling through the free literary classics audiobooks on my Zune, passing them off as extremely descriptive and boring, a poor homeless man came up to me and asked me for money for food. I was going to give it to him from the moment he asked, but he wanted to seal the deal.
"Can I have some money sir? I don't usually ask for money, but my friend and I are extremely hungry and would really like to eat. We live on the streets. I broke  my rib. My child sold me to the government for dirt cheep rates. I am what you may call a trans-transvestite. Oh sir, might you please spare a dime? A quarter? Cocaine?"

"hmmm.... Here's 85 cents, sorry, it's all I've got."
"God bless you sir, may he bless you and all the land that you walk upon. May your baby be made of pure gold and pee diamonds for you. May the Taj Mahal be your sudden inheritance, sir."

I wondered for a second, if that was just eighty five cents....
The thought vanished and the time was ticking for my journey to work. I ran inside, grabbed my microwavable lunch and rushed to the check-out line.
"Allwrite, thadt whill bee won dalller aand sehvehnttee phive sentse." The checker said completely normally, but quite oddly when written down.
"Cool as Nitrous Oxide." (I was trying to implement my various new phrases slowly into society. No one told me that it would fail miserably.) I continued by pulling out my jar of wheat pennies; as I began to count them, the workeress quickly wrote on the back of a napkin, "We do not accept wheat pennies," and pinned it to the register.
Fine, I pulled out my jar of Nickels and saw her once again write on another napkin, "No Nickels."
It was the same story with every denomination that I stored in jars that I carried around with me always. From civil war dimes to my extensive collection of African trading shells.
I finally paid with debit and headed to work. I could barely see with all these napkins taped to my face. And somehow I made it to work alive, and more somehowishly made it there on time.
And that was my morning. How was yours?

2 Response to "Emo is just an anagram of Moe."

Anonymous Says:

Wow! Just Wow! This is inspiration in it's purest form. Your writing is one of the most amazing things I have ever read. The way you fly from one theme to the next is just... amazing. No other way to put it.

This is the first time I have ever read your blog, and it really shocked me. I'm definitely gonna keep coming back.



by Cristy Hill Says:

Kyle, I really enjoyed this. I think it is one of my favorites. I know I keep saying this...but it's like your writing is a cherry cordial. I get so excited to read it because there is a surprise in the middle of the sentences. Loved it!!! So clever!!!

Post a Comment