The Idea Eloped with a Postulate who Gave Birth to a Conclusion

Posted by Kyle Jacobson , Monday, October 25, 2010 5:22 PM

Disclaimer: No punctuation was harmed in the making of the post, except for the ampersand. We beat the crap out of him, and ate his dog.

I'm was going to measure my room each morning solely to prove that it really does get smaller the more time I spend inside it, but since I eat in my sleep and my yardstick looked like a churro, I didn't. My room gives me a feeling similar to how mickey mouse would feel endorsing rodenticide; which would only happen if an underground organization of communistic midgets suddenly inherited Disneyland.

"You must be this short to ride." The power-hungry grin of the small man compensating for his size, and then some.
"Darn," said the tall man, "I'm six-five."
Rev. Revvvv Revvvv Rev Revvvvv.
"Hey! Hey! What are you doi- AHHHHHH!!!"
"Look," the midget said, "now you're three-foot-four and three-foot-one. You'll have to buy two seats. Next!"

Tip of advice for the world, and a few of its inhabitants. If you are trying to accurately define the word "boring" and the only thing that comes to mind is a sketch of yourself followed by a period, you have an incomplete sentence as well as a personality problem, and I have something to tide you over until those get worked out. What you need is a creative new idea to boost your juices and get you feeling sixty eight again.

         Sometimes we have a lot of ideas that we share externally. These thoughts are the kind that often question their existence, never pay rent, and end up only being used for reality tv shows aired from 9 a.m. to 3 p.m.*
          The smarter thoughts might figure out what's going on and destroy themselves before they get a chance to be thrown out into the universe. It's a scary place out there, especially for ideas. These thoughts are usually thought right before you wake up and are gone right after giving you the feeling that it was an amazing idea. That day you feel frustrated, telling everyone what a brilliant idea it was if you could only just remember it.
          And lastly, there is the brilliant thought, the hardest to find, and worth a fortune to whoever has tripped over one or two in their day. This type of thought, more often than not, requires a damp, dark area, often a basement of a parent's home, or maybe an abandoned meat cellar. They are prone to feel more comfortable in an environment with half eaten hot pockets, a roommate named Ryan, and the stench of unused potential. This way, the thoughts can remove all possibility of being turned into an action. When they come out in a non-cellar-like environment, they instantly feel awkward, like one does when they find out they are the smartest one at the party, by a lot. The idea feels a bit queasy at first, throws up into a plastic fern, gets a phone number, and then makes a quick exit, only to realize that the phone number was given to him by a pyramid scheme with soft black hair and a $350 dollar deposit.                  
Those relationships always leave him with an empty feeling in his stomach and a large manual containing 350 different ways of explaining the phrase "go for it."He has his thoughts on the meaning of "go for it", they usually go bowling together.  

Activity for creative juice pumping: start with the phrase "what if..." This will take your mind instantly from thinking one dimensionally to thinking in however many dimensions you have the time to imagine. So rekindle that imagination and welcome the absurdities that are sure to follow. And always go for it! (unless "it" represents stabbing a coworker in the face with an icicle). What if... a hypothetical question changed the world?
What was your question?
                                            Impersonally (from a safe distance),

*Such as: Mediocre Moms: A very personal and extensive look at moms that aren't special in any way.
                 Who's Wearing the Pants Now: Will a new pant suit tear this family apart?
                 Dog Wedding Planner: When one happy couple puts their wedding in the hands, or paws, of their cocker spaniel.

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