A month left to pack + 34 years of age =the perfect package

Posted by Kyle Jacobson , Thursday, September 27, 2012 9:59 PM


            It’s not everyday that you find yourself looking at yourself in a four-way mirror wondering if the yous that you don’t see are looking at you in one of those “I just cryogenically froze my brain cells so I don’t have to thank anyone anymore” type stare, but in a casual way of course? (breathe here) Anything stern would be uncharacteristic of yourself. (yawn with a small cough at the end here) Reflecting on reflections reflects the reflecting view of reflecting reflectors. I have exhausted my “the alphabetical symbol proceeding ‘Q’” Hence my lack of using that symbol within the finite length of this blog post. Now walk with me to the opposite side of my head in which we shall dissect the most enthusing of topics. The occupation ,or A “job” in lay man’s dialect, is an activity in which one man and/if woman   suck up to an exponentially heavyweighted man named “Bensodd” who happens to have his associates in mechanical bull fighting, (slid past the system by cheating his way in and out of hat dancing 402, he’ll tell you it was because of a chuck donkey in his leg.) His associates causes him not only to be qualified to tell people what they most obviously do in a sloppy, yet cornucopius way, but also gain access to a new all inclusive package to Satellite TV which includes a decade supply of Depends and enough Slim Jims to build a life sized imitation of Splash Mountain at Disneyland . “Don’t get below the man with the wooden face, said his shopkeepee.”  

Fo’ the definition of "occupation" I give you one final statement: “Don’t be Bensodd, because ‘odd’ is not a great suffix to have, especially amidst _______________”.


Industriously,
                       Kyle  






Ingrid Michaelson turns to the west A LOT!

Posted by Kyle Jacobson , Monday, September 24, 2012 8:53 PM


Crabs.
What?
Arabs
Did you say Arabs?
No, don’t get me wrong.
Alright… what did you say?
Gandalf
More
Less
Gand
Better
Thanks
Open Wide
Nah, I’m not a huge orange juice guy
"It’s motor oil"
Why was that the only thing in quotation marks?
Don't change the subject.
Bingo!
Well played
I don’t feel so well
Don’t we all…
"Good point"
Bad dull
Clever
Lever
What?
Bye
Hi?
Bye
I know that’s what you said, I just don’t like goodbye’s
That’s why I took out the “good” part
You are so considerate
Vote for me
For what?
Anything, I just want to see my name on a ballot?
I can make up a-
SILENCE!
But ther-
PSYLENCE!
Oh! Now I understand.
I don’t think you do…
Prove it
Touché
Bring on the crawdads
I prefer the brothers-in-law
Picky picky
Hardly!
No, that’s the name of my tablet.
You name your assets?
Don’t judge me, the camera adds 205 pounds
I can’t really see your physical appearance,  right now we’re just text on a page.
I can dream can’t I!?!
I have somewhere to be…
Where ever it is, be great.
Peppercorn
Amen!
Popcorn
Too far…
Sorry
It’s okay.
Bye.
Hi.

     Trepidaciously,
                          Kyle