Andy, you're a star. And stars turn into supernovas and black holes.
Posted by Kyle Jacobson , Monday, August 16, 2010 10:30 PM
His name was Andy.
He was a big man.
He can grow a 63 Watt mustache in 2.1 Nano seconds.
His muscles feed off of themselves, triplicating in density and size every time he blinks.
His sideburns could shine my shoes, from twenty feet away.
When people ask Andy, why are you so?
He responds. With articulate rhetoric, "why are you so?
They say when he whispers, it's like smooth jazz symphony, to the second power, bathing in the milky way's outer rim. The outer rim where the lipstick stain still remains from the NCMO* our galaxy had with the Horsehead Nebula.
They say these things. But, I don't.
Not just yet.
Andy is my new roommate, you see. I've designed the ultimate test for him to prove to me his right to live in close proximity with me.
The Test:
Part A: Dress up like this guy, smile always, attempt to breathe heavily through my mouth and nose simultaneously.
Part B: Learn to opposite dance. Only activate as soon as Andy begins talking.
Part C: Buy an alarm clock of 249 decibels that shouts Adolf Hitler speeches every two hours.
He'll be gone faster than it takes a rock to go from being a rock to still being a rock.
Atrociously,
Kyle
*Non-Committed Make Out
*Non-Committed Make Out
