Tragically Fine

It all began with a DUI and ended with an IOU.

Posted by Kyle Jacobson , Saturday, August 21, 2010 8:59 PM

"It can't end like this?!"

"Like what?" Her crossed eyes really bugged the man strumming the homemade banjo, his discontent showed in his vocal fluctuation and the timbre in his pitch.

"Like, you know, this." She thought constantly, so constantly that the constant became a variable.

The man's voice quivering, "Your clarification skills are like trying to put contacts into your ear drums in hopes of obtaining better hearing!"

"Well, I really don't appreciate your sense of analogical configuration, mind you!"

"Why?" The man said, whose name will shortly revealed.

"Why what?"

"Why the 'mind you' part?"

"Haven't you battered me enough today Pimples?"

Pimples had always found that pet name endearing.

In light of his prominent endearment he said, "alright, Scandy (short for Scandinavia, another pet name created while a nitrous oxide leak filled their basement.) I'll stop as long as you let me dust your cats off once in a while!"

"Have [censored] you gone insane!" Scandy screamed and later edited for our more illiterate readers.

"If I tell you whether I am insane or sane, that would prove or deny my current state of sanity, which I prefer that you do not know. I refuse to say anything at this time."

"Lick the floor!"

"Okayyyyyllrrr." Which means "okay", but sounds completely different while licking the floor, "tastes like cats and cigarettes!"

"Dang cats! They've been smoking again!"

 "I thought you gave them the patch!" Pimples pandered for a moment,

"Well I tried, but they just started eating each other!"

"Scandy, I am going to be what most people call a mediator in a debate, now have we or have we not diagnosed the situation of my sanity?"

"I declare that we have not, but I have my theories."

"Such as...."

Pimples shook open another bottle of Pepsi to hydrate the six cats, Cogs, Wheels, Lever, Wedge, Pulley, Crank, and Shaft, were their names, Pimples was, obviously, an accountant.

Scandy just opened her mouth, "You did just lick the floor didn't you?"

"Yeah...." Pimples tried to escape through the wall, but it turned out that the wall was a wall and he ended up getting a bloody nose.

         Scandy's fingernails stretched foreword. Her thighs keeping her from falling off of their microfiber couch. Her waist decided to abandon it's purpose as a waist and forcing Scandy to improvise in order to obtain her goal. She did a small barrel roll to the left side of the couch, leaned forcefully backwards and dislocated her shoulder. This should give her the precise angle and stretch length capability to click the small "plus sign" button on the remote. The illuminated display of the 27.3" x 6.♥" television screen to switch from "Cops" to a re-run of  "When Evil Babies Attack: Horror Stories from the Crib and Back."

"Meh," both Pimples and Scandinavia said cooperatively, and then they smiled.
Pimples and Scandy ended spending their Friday night watching low-budget television shows, while eating Nutella from a tub, and spraying Lysol on a thirty-second cycle in lieu of cleaning the year old pile of TV dinners. They had a deal that whoever's mother-in-law dies first, has to take it out. They loved each other, and loved themselves just a bit more. Also, despite Scandy's whining, it did in fact end like this.

                                             Observationally,
                                                                  Kyle