Tragically Fine

Raindrops try to fall on my head, but then I ask them to please stop and they politely fall around me.

Posted by Kyle Jacobson , Thursday, August 5, 2010 12:26 AM

Today I took a large step towards paying for school this Fall. A large step indeed. Some might even consider this step a little too large and in need of some sort of restraint or containment. I beg to differ. It was an articulately sized step with a perfect amount of grace and zeal.
We sat around the glassy pond that was only being broken up by tiny rain droplets dive bombing themselves into the "party," as referred to by the droplets themselves. When rain falls, it can land in three different places.      
         The first place it can land is in another body of water. This is ideal for even the youngest of water droplets. It not only provides a community in which it can grown and maybe even end up getting filtered and into a plastic bottle. Maybe even a plastic bottle that is ultra-recyclable, but will eventually be thrown into a fire somewhere, thus counteracting any good done by any of the other bottles that it was born with.
         The second place, much less ideal in being, would be a solid. When a droplet lands on something hard, be it a small rodent or various types of ham sandwiches, it's life has proven to be a very short one. However, some droplets believe in reincarnation, that being "if they are lucky enough to be evaporated then they will recycle in the clouds and come down as a brand new droplet, hopefully landing in a body of water this time. I don't believe in such idiocy, droplets will believe any half-baked theory if it makes them feel any better about their bleak futures. *Just now, in the space of one second, 30,028,327,082 water droplets just hit a solid surface", they are now trying to look foreword to the only thing that could possibly be foreword, evaporation. If they didn't believe in evaporation before, they do now.  Thus proving to themselves that believing comes from hoping and sometimes hoping comes from sheer desperation and trials. But enough about morals and important things, let's get to number three.
         The only fathomable option is the worst and most boring of all options for even the most boring, normal, elementary ed teacher-like droplet. It is also the  most controversial of all three, mostly because it is very hard to think of anything controversial into a completely uncontrollable contact location of a randomly selected water droplet. This location is of course a spontaneously created worm/black hole. If a droplet ends up with the terrible luck of landing him/her/itself into on of these holes then they will spend the rest of their imaginable careers as a droplet circling the galaxy without anything to be done or able to do, breathing oxygen out of a small tube slightly larger than the air molecules themselves, thus causing much clogging and an even longer addition of time onto the waiting period for whatever it is we're waiting for at the time.
       This all brings me to the point that we were able to take some outlandishly brilliant photos for my entrepeneur spirit and desperate need of a "little extra cash," as someone might say if they were being audited by a large man with a yellowish purple handkerchief. Let the games begin corporate world! I shall place my carbon footprint right on your forehead as a token of my appreciation for allowing Star Wars Episode I,II,and III to enter into our poor and unprepared occipital lobes. Such a horrific excuse for what one may call "a screenplay."
                                           Droopily and back,
                                                           Kyle