If the sun were a cookie, it would be a snickerdoodle.

Posted by Kyle Jacobson , Monday, May 16, 2011 8:00 PM

             I had a literal meltdown the other day when unexpected company showed up at my door. It was the thirty-second last person/thing I would have guessed behind that door. It was the sun. With what little manners he was capable of having, the sun barged right into my living room. The smell of scorch filled the room. The room had little room to begin with and now it was grampy cramped.

        "Are you freaking kidding me?!1!!?" I said with 50% more than an inkling of spite under my voice, "I just cleaned up in here! Now my couch is on fire, I assume that small lump on the ground is my canary, and my turkey is now well over well done. And why in the heck are you wearing sunglasses when YOU ARE THE SUN!! And wipe that stupid grin off your face. And you brought a friend! How lovely. Oh that's a space shuttle? Did you get hungry on your descent from your lofty throne o mighty sun??? Have you ever heard of Elton John!? Apparently not. It's going to be longer than a long, long time for him! Now will you please exit my household and place your bulbous volume lightyears away from here so I don't have to look at your ugly face when I'm trying to watch America's Next Top Model on my newly charcoal print television set? And what's up with you trying to hook up with the moon huh? You think you can both be on the same side of the world at the same time?! Who ever made you the sun? Whoever it was really screwed up, a white dwarf could do a better job than you. Now go get your fat gas back into the solar system. And stop convincing children to look at you, it's creepy and damaging to their pupils. My favorite part of the day is when you set!"

      And that is how the sun became unconfident in his abilities to shine and lit the world on fire one forest fighting bear at a time.


2 Response to "If the sun were a cookie, it would be a snickerdoodle."

Morse Says:

I crave the sun, I beg for it. Secretly you have a crush on the sun don't you? L

Kyle Jacobson Says:

Oh, don't get me wrong. I love the sun. I just lose my temper sometimes when he enters my living room unannounced, as I do with farm animals, chinese knife salesmen, and airborne pathogens.

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