This way has the same amount of letters in it as That way. Oh indecisions...
Posted by Kyle Jacobson , Thursday, May 19, 2011 6:12 PM
I ran into a bug, which was highly eerie since I am not the size of a bug nor is a bug the size of me. This one was different not only in size but in demeanor. I have always imagined that meeting a personified bug would have been similar to the moment you realize that a candy bar you are about to consume is four days past the expiration date. Which is in the "so close I might be able to get away with only minor indigestion" range. And you are conflicted between eating it and giving it to a nine year old. This bug hadn't inherited any of these characteristics from the chromosomes he had purchased a week earlier from a one horned gypsy with, as he will later describe, "eyes of half melted candlesticks and an odor that was nominated 'most likely to become banned from public' in high school or the pheromonal equivalent. Pheromonal makes me laugh. " End quotation mark.Anyway, so this bug. He turned out to be a bouncer. Why I hadn't thought of a dung beetle guarding my dance heavy heavy dance club, I haven't a clue.
Children: Behind you! The clue!
Me: Did you say a clue?
Children: Yes, a clue it's behind you. Look!
Me: Is it over here?
Children: No, behind you!
Me: Where?
Children: You are a directionally challenged moron. This show sucks.
Me: Hey look a clue!
This clue pointed me toward the straight door of a crooked house. I thought it was a joke until I saw the horizontal mailbox and the upside down cocker spaniel looking at me with a very disoriented look. It was very similar to the look I receive when I wake up on the wrong side of gravity. Nauseous mornings. I was trying hard to think of why I was at this house, but the only thing on my mind were the faint last words of an acquaintance in Europe that just got hit by a mail truck. "I can't think of a pun!!!!" I wonder if he ever thought of one...So the cocker spaniel opened the door, or more disolved it if you catch my brain. And I entered inside. This story seems like it should have an end. Maybe later. I'm late for my checkers match with a blind guy. It's as easy as putting a baby in a blender. No that's way too dark... It's as easy as stacking hay pennies.
Children: Yaaaaaaaay. Pennies.
Me: HAY pennies! Not yay pennies....america's future is unfortunately ill.
Tectonically,
You always get a good snort out of me Kyle. Todays was about waking up on the wrong side of gravity and also how this story should have an end. You are extraordinary!