Albert Maxwell: The Soft-Spoken Cavern

Posted by Kyle Jacobson , Saturday, September 11, 2010 5:14 PM

For this Sumptuous Saturday: A story from my youth.

        The soft morning light peaked over the mountain as if awakening from a deep sleep. The light bathed the cavern in a luminescence unnoticed by anyone walking past. That is probably due to the fact that the cavern was currently above their heads by thirty thousand or so feet. One man in Nepal however, is currently at the precise altitude to where if he were to look a little bit east and forty seven thousand miles north he would be looking directly into the cavern. Since this man has cataracts and cannot see forty seven thousand miles to the north, the cavern remains involuntarily unseen. What one day may become a world-renowned beauty now sat alone contemplating it's life as a cavern. This Cavern would not know any more than it does now of it's purpose in life. The proof of this statement lies in the mere existence of the cavern, which we will now refer to as Albert Maxwell, for thirty million years.
           Born of the wind, Albert Maxwell was always a modest hole in the mountain, never boastful. The other children would never associate with Albert. In retrospect, Albert realized that he can't blame them for not being able to turn their heads, or what would be considered heads, in order to make conversation with him. If the other caverns knew of Albert's existence and could turn their "heads", the conversation would have gone a little something like, "whoosh, whoooooosh, whosh whosh whooosh." "Whish, whoosh, whosh whosh." They would have simply become bored and slightly frustrated with their lack of vocabulary to communicate ideas to one another. Albert realized it for the better to sit alone and contemplate his purpose in life than it would be to finally find out what an awkward conversation feels like. His purpose however would forever remain a mystery.


3 Response to "Albert Maxwell: The Soft-Spoken Cavern"

Merrills Says:

I need more....always more. I'm afraid im addicted or something and after reading this I will have to go into the archives to read till I feel satisfied, which i never fully get to feel. It always makes me wonder things like what is real and what isnt, what made these thoughts pop into your head, why cant my impressions be so funny written down. You know, stuffs like that.

Kyle "Danger" Jacobson Says:

I'm sorry that I just made you addicted to words, that just sounds awful. Mainly because they're not even an ingestible substance. Thanks for the comment. I really appreciate it.

Kevin Says:

Recounting this experience must fill you with nostalgia.

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