Jacob Sean; He got gillz

Posted by Kyle Jacobson , Saturday, September 25, 2010 12:31 PM

Jacob Sean can breathe underwater. Gross, huh. That means he has a physical mutation. Something between a human and a fish. Like a humanish or a fishuman. He hates it. For reasons very obvious. First, he owns turtlenecks in thirteen hundred and fifty two colors. This is thirteen hundred and fifty two more than any person should have at one time. The second reason goes along with the amount of water intake he must ensure in order to live. In order for Jacob to commit suicide, he would simple stop drinking water for twenty four hours. Jacob must drink thirty five gallons of water a day to remain hydrated and healthy. He is also half human, the bad half, which makes his bladder work the exact same as that of a normal boy. That, plus drinking thirty five gallons of water a day... He is running out of excuses as to why he must leave his geometry class sixteen times during the course of a one hour lecture. Mrs. Friedrichson, the fat and phat educator, was utterly annoyed by his lack of responsibility and respect for the public school system. The same system that he complies with by attending it in the first place. Nobody can know of his "disease," as he refers to it sometimes.

             The only thing that makes today any different than any other of the twenty-four hour days that Jacob has previously experienced, would be that today, someone would know that he was half fish.

          Jacob returned home that afternoon to the sweet smell of salmon on the barbeque. He didn't know if it was wrong for him to love seafood. He is only half fish anyway. 

          "Hey fishman, what's up?" His dad's voice carried over the smoke. His dad clearly thinking that his son's life was a game and not reality. The same dad that played video games until his eyes hurt and then played some more. He has done very well at hiding the "real world" as he liked to describe it.

          His dad's cooking always put a stop to the mediocrity of the school day. His family were the only people who knew he was half fish, so he thought. They were the ones that bred him that way. They said to him growing up, "it's not because we love you less, we were thinking of how awesome it would be to have a mutant child in our family. You understand that, right?" Jacob would nod silently to these types of comments. 

         The dark clouds were rolling in for another rainy night. "My favorite," thought Jacob. The rain had always calmed Jacob. It felt so good on his, more leathery than normal, skin. The way it ran down his neck and his skin absorbed it within seconds. It was going to be a great night. 

          After a great meal of honey smoked salmon and sauteed asparagus, the rain began to fall. Jacob had set up a chair out on the lawn while his entire family set up chairs in front of the window to watch their freak-show brother. They knew he was different and loved to treat him that way. "Circus time!" they would yell when he came home from school. It didn't bother him. Insults aren't supposed to bother you when they're from your family right? He sat in silence, watching the dismal clouds wash over the night sky, unleashing their rainy bowels all over Jacob's face. He loved every minute of it.  

           In the meantime, a man wearing all black crept around the house, being careful not to breath too much or too little. That would make him either hyper-ventilate or hypo-ventilate. Neither of which he cared for right now, "maybe later," he thought. His feet pressed on the damp grass as he moved step by step around the west of the house. He had the slip-resistant cuffs ready for use. And just in case, he had purchased a Winnie the Pooh mask to hide his identity. 

           Jacob was completely unaware that his moment of euphoria was going to turn south, since it was currently soaring an a north-east direction. And to turn completely south would require a very terrifying experience. That is exactly what was to happen. 

           The man crept up behind Jacob, breathing at an immaculate rate for kidnapping a mutant fishuman. Jacob's family watched and did nothing. 

           The man threw on the cuffs so quickly that even the raindrops became distracted for a second, paused mid-air, and then continued falling onto the self-conscious grass. Jacob was very startled and didn't have time to struggle before the man injected him with a liquid that stung sharply at first and then a cool soothing sensation rushed over Jacob. He relaxed and then wet himself.
          Jacob's family had done nothing. They planned for this. They were watching with popcorn in their hands, viewing the capture. It sure beat watching another episode of the Golden Girls.

          "See kids," began Jacob's father, "wasn't it a good idea not to become emotionally attached to your older brother?"
          "Yeah!" the family shouted in unison. 
          The father pulled the camera open. "Who wants to see it again?" Cheers erupted as he pressed play.

          Jacob woke up inside a tank of water. "At least I'm not dead," he thought, "well, best not to make that assumption." He swam around for a bit. Looking through the glass at different angles, trying to make out anything that was going on outside. He could see movement, and lots of it. He just couldn't make out what it was that was moving. Jacob circled the tank a few more times until he rested his eyes upon someone else's eyes. They were looking right at him. Through the tank there were eyes staring back. "What is this place?!" He began to panic. He pushed against the top of the tank expecting nothing to happen, but trying anyway. Pushing against the tank was about as effective as whale saving charities. Even less. He was stuck. And that's when he saw the sign. "Fishboy: The only living Fishuman/Humanish."

             "Wow... How tactful." Said Jacob.

The End


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