If you sit on a couch and nobody is there to see you, are you still considered lazy?

Posted by Kyle Jacobson , Monday, July 26, 2010 5:27 PM

Drool. Why drool? Who came up with the word "drool anyway"? I know it fits perfectly to its physical meaning but why "Drool"? I can only think of one way that it could possibly be useful and that exists only in the realm of the Twilight Zone. And even that is a stretch for them. And when you catch wind of the Twilight Zone thinking that something is quite disgusting, you must question whether or not it holds a meaningful place in our society at all. Well it laid all over my cubicle desk when I woke to the sound of a construction fleet of ninjas at the window that wasn't there when I had rested my eyes for a brief moment on my keyboard between calls. The actual miracle in this situation is that I heard the impossibly minute sound at all. And since I did hear the faint creek of the right converse shoe of the ninja crew member, Zhao "Pills" Anderson, he was killed instantly for breaking the code of Ninjas, which may or may not be stricter than the business casual dress code at the place of my work. For example, If I wear flip-flops I am in danger of being "written up" which sounds unbearable. No one seems to know what it really is, but unbearable
sounding. Now if a Ninja wakes up on the wrong side of the bed, instant head removal and/or total mutilation. If He/She is "caught shaking what their mama gave them", a.k.a. A solid steel mace, they are placed into a highly uncomfortable, WMD massage parlor, for several millennia. If I were to button all of my buttons on my collard shirt with a lack of tie I may see over my shoulder a couple of giggles followed by a smirk. It cannot be done.
        I stared out the newly created window an found that it just led to the next cubicle over where Steve the plumber sat flexing into his web cam for a overly compensated 401k plan. He did not notice my placid disgust creeping into all the major and corporal muscles in my facial region. it wasn't a pretty sight. I had successfully taken a 15 min break for three and a half hours and missed approximately thirty six outraged customers demanding their rebates. I feel bad for a select few that are unable to receive their rebates three years before Apple was founded, especially with their pathetic stories of cancer, dwarfism and global genocide. All forming together for a sob-story that would make Robo-Cop cry, if he was programmed to not be so dastardly gorgeous. That still does not change the fact that they bought a crimson sofa and would really appreciate a free iPod for "the bloated and starving children in Mrtazachistern." Couches are not an eligible product to replace a MAC computer. Stupidity and arrogance are on the rise directly related in a cross-fire ratio to the sale of Amphetamine and bubble-gum flavored masks for Nitrous Oxide.

Now thank you for calling Apple, you have a wonderful day sir.

"Why do I have "asdfghjkl;" imprinted on my face?" Kyle wondered.

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