Tragically Fine

NBA players: The golden age (Part II of III)

Posted by Kyle Jacobson , Thursday, May 27, 2010 9:29 AM

 (If you haven't read part one, look yourself in the eyes and slap your hand, then go read it).

After finding out that the climax of their lives ended at twenty-eight really rocks their world. After watching several marathons of the Brady Bunch they try hiring someone to figure out what they should do with the rest of their lives, only to find out that their sixteenth credit card has been maxed out. When you max out a no-limit credit card, YOU know there's something wrong. Remember we are talking about celebrities. They have no idea what "det" is. They then ask themselves, "if I were an average person, with no sense of potential or future, what would I do?" Obviously to ask Jeeves.
"Jeeves, what do basketball players do after the NBA?"
"Endorsements or you could hunt for crocodiles and film yourself with manta rays, I hear a spot opened up recently."
"Thanks J, here's a fifty." After fifty-six minutes of trying to find where the money goes, he gives up and goes to sign some more pictures of himself to take his mind off of things.
      His doorbell rings, to the tune of Beyonce's "Single Ladies." At the door is a three foot thirteen inch man-child that obviously can't park, plays way too much backgammon, and only knows how to shave the right side of his face.
   "HelllO! I am Carrrl, I am from the IRS, I need to talk to you for just two clicks of a whistle."
Thinking IRS is an abbreviation for a highly recognized sports team, where in fact it is a lowly-recognized sports team, "the IRS scrabblers," he let's them in.
   "Now [insert stereotypical basketball player name here, it can be a 4th grade nickname as well], you have no money, your credit is almost zero, your bank account is completely empty, your house is in foreclosure, you have an adversary proceeding Thursday, your assets are frozen and your ex-wife wants her blender back. Now, are there any words you didn't understand?"
      BP(basketball player) responds, "Foreclosure, adversary proceeding, no, zero, assets, and pathogenesis."
Carrrl ponders for a moment, "This thin green stuff you use for wallpaper. IT's GONE!"
BP realizes what this actually means, just to check he asks, "so, I don't get whatever I want anymore?"
Carrrl responds, "No, you don't."
     "What does "No" mean?
     "Oh, right. It means...(Carrrl shakes his head left to right while he pulls a frowny face.")
 BP, just sits on his golden horse and cries...











 Next time.....Is there hope for this absurdly-large childhood bankrupt prodigy? Will Carrrl ever find true love? Is there really such thing as anthrax?
             Stay tuned for part III....
                                              
                                        Empathetically,
                                                                 Kyle