War of the round spherical things with people on them.

Posted by Kyle Jacobson , Thursday, May 20, 2010 8:42 AM

Why do I run? After every run, I feel like somebody hit me in the face with a bag of dead lizards. I guess it's the fact that I'm doing something healthy and makes up for the three layered chocolate cakes that I am so fond of. I asked my trusty magic 8 ball if I am going to keep running, it said"without a doubt, fatty". There is a bleak future ahead of me. 

Runners are programmed to be best friends with complete strangers, as long as they too are in the act of running. I passed several runners who were clearly running for their lives. They instantly turned their agonized, unhealthily pale faces into beaming, better than life smiles while I passed.They also try making small talk in the .5 seconds we have of talking time. 
There is a lot of uncertainty in the world, but in the world of running, one thing is certain, cars are the enemy. It's like cowboys and indians, aliens and humans, the IRS and your bank account, sonny and cher. I have a pretty good bet that if cars were to ever turn on humans, they would win. This is how it would go down: they would sneak out while we are sleeping in our lovely, desireably comfy, three throw pillow beds. They would have a secret meeting at the auto club where they would hire a bently as their CEO, the station wagon would tell surprisingly funny jokes to make up for his lack of...everything, and the mini cooper would sit in the back looking "too cool to be blowing the same carbon dioxide as these lemons," while drinking his can of Stan's single grade 5w40 supreme oil, flushed not drained. They would then, of course, get back for everything we have done to them. Putting oreos all over doors and windows, pouring sugar in the pipes, and even putting butter on the door handles. Oh the monstrosity! Then to finish off the epic battle between cars and humans, we would play a not well thought out game of red rover. That is how cars would win. 


4 Response to "War of the round spherical things with people on them."

Kristi Says:

Have I told you lately how freaking amazing you are?!!!! Because you're out of this world man!!! And I love you.

Jordyn Says:

Kyle, hey! I love reading your posts. Keep it up!

Cristy Hill-Noto Says:

I totally look forward to reading your posts everday. It takes me to a different world, free of poopy diapers, 2 year old tantrums, dishes, laundry and 8 year old sass back.

Kelsey Says:

My name is Kelsey, and I enjoyed this post. :)

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