Is it shamwow in here, or is it just me?

Posted by Kyle Jacobson , Friday, June 18, 2010 10:28 PM

When the words "current economic situation" are spoken, I immediately think of a machine gun with legs killing innocent tourists at Disneyland. In other words, not good. One of the ways that it is brutally killing off innocent civilians is through taxes. We seem to be getting taxed out of our minds. How can we combat this? My plan is actually quite simple. It involves using the tax system to our advantage. Fighting fighting with fighting. Write-offs are the answer. Listen closely. If you have a great reason for using and/or/nor/for buying something, you can write it off.  The secret to the system is that you can write off anything. For example, I am planning on getting a write-off for my constant wearing of pants as a business expense. My reasoning: without pants, I would have no business. I am also going to write off air under the category of  "Labor costs for workers who make my products." I am going to write off my cat's three newborn kittens as "interest." Under the "insurance" category I will evidently put my new Will Smith "Men in Black" oven mitts.(really awesome by the way, when you bring your thumb in it says "Oh, I'm sorry. Was that your auntie? Then that must be your uncle over there!" and 13 other wild and sarcastic remarks). Take a moment and fight this Goliath called the IRS* with creative write-offs that they wont see coming. And if all else fails and you get audited, just plead the fourth. Just take a look at our celebrity sponsor before and after using write-offs to his advantage!


*IRS stands for "International Rip-offs and Scams". They are predicted to be bankrupt by 2015.

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