You see the coolest things when you're blind.

Posted by Kyle Jacobson , Tuesday, June 22, 2010 11:31 PM

The other day I found myself at a table so crowded I felt alone. To my right was a mute robot with honest turrets. That caused for some awkward conversation. To my left was a man that wishes he was my grandpa. And directly in front was a Martian that thought we all spoke the same language that she did.... While grandpa was attempting to remember impossibly obscure facts involving colors of fabrics that haven't ever been heard of, the robot repeatedly smacked me in the face while trying to tell me that his burrito was awfully hot. The Martian began to swallow large amounts of something in unconventional ways. The conversation grew 
progressively more and more lethal. I quickly ate my beef and potato burrito and took my leave. Grandpa was still trying to teach me a lesson that would involve me one day ending up working in a warehouse when I should be retired drinking melted chocolate through a twisty straw topped with a completely useless umbrella. It came time to return to work. My burrito had the same thought. Within twenty minutes I was writhing on the ground telling my friend what to say to my wife if the worst were to happen. He started kicking me and writing on my forehead to remind me that I had no wife. I woke up later missing a kidney.

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